What’s more, you can decorate your home however you wish. Some rarefied establishments might object to the giant, penis-shaped centerpiece standing proudly in the middle of their dining room, but in your own home? Run a flag up that sucker if you want.
But we haven’t yet answered just what you will do for your at-home bachelorette party. Good music, food, alcohol, and a suitably wide expanse of floor for dancing are no-brainers, but more than those basic considerations are needed to make your party extraordinary. Luckily for you, you don’t have to look hard to find oodles of bachelorette party supplies. Every respectable adult shop has tonnes of choices to spice things up. Since we’re talking about bachelorette parties, then yes, there are penises involved. Penis hats, penis drinking straws, penis suckers, penis whistles … anything even vaguely longer than wide has been transformed into a penis at one time or another. Standard, non-adult-oriented party stores will have non-penis-shaped items if for some reason you don’t want a penis piñata at your party. (Note to self: register peñisata immediately.)
For entertainment, plan lots of bachelorette party games. Don’t just assume that “truth or dare” and “never have I ever” will keep the fun going, or your party will end up like those cringy, teenaged slumber parties we would all rather forget. With a supply of games ready to go, it’ll be easy to keep the party going. Every time there’s a lull in the festivities, bring the next game out, and pretty soon everyone is clamoring for a chance to play Strap-on Ring Toss. Or Pin the Macho on the Man. Or the Cum Face Duel Pump Action Penis Game. Buy a few dirty coloring books for your more introspective and artistic guests, and you’re all set.
You’ll want to decorate your home as well. Naturally, this continues the trend of penis-shaped miscellanea, with improbably large centerpieces and naughty party banners. I recommend the dirty balloons because you’ll always get a guaranteed laugh by joking about how much fun it is to blow them. If you like to bake, then a penis-shaped cake pan will help you provide an eye-catching, crème-filled conversation starter.
Penis jokes aside, it is your duty as hostess to ensure that everyone at your party is safe. Dedicate a room or two of your home as a quiet space so people can step away from the wildness if they need to. And when the party is winding down, be ready to call your local taxi company or order an Uber for your guests. Designated drivers are wonderful people, and they should know they are wonderful people, so be sure to give them your heartfelt thanks. Finally, be prepared for someone to crash at your home. They’ll appreciate a place to sleep undisturbed, and a Tylenol and a cup of black coffee will help them recover from what will no doubt be a monstrous hangover.
But the end of the party can be fun, too. Party favors will give your guests something to remember the party by (even if their own memories of the event are rather hazy). The phallus motif is quite evident here, too, with dick-print gift bags holding penis drinking straws and wang-shaped lollipops (life-sized!). But if you want more permanent mementos of your night, consider ordering custom-made bachelorette party plates or sashes (more about this last item in the next section).
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